Toothpaste
Posted on April 13, 2006 by jonners99
I’m good at disciplining my time… in the afternoons. But of all the times of day I hate afternoons most. Something about the way the light slants through the window until about five and the anticipation of a fun evening makes afternoons the longest, dreariest, most lonely parts of the day. So I keep myself busy with schoolwork.
After a long day of homework and into an evening without any plans to go out, I fall into a fit of spontaneity. Previous products of such an attitude have lead to research into flash animation, bursts of yoga, experiments with various food products smeared with fluff (American marshmallow paste), stealthy late-night walks around Froebel College, and Garden-State-esque shouting out the window. I also have discovered I find myself fifth down on a Google search of my name. First is a Norwegian model with my an s where I have a z and slightly larger measurement than me.
Yesterday was one such fateful day. After munching my way through a peanut butter n’ fluff sandwich and some silly online crush quizzes I got to thinking about toothpaste. I’ve nothing against mint, the plant (which spurts in abundance in our garden to the frustration of my hedge-trimmer wielding mother) or the ice cream flavor. But in toothpaste, the taste bothers me.
In fact, it repulses me. I hate brushing my teeth. As a child I would shut myself in the bathroom and turn the sink on at intervals to make it sound as if I were brushing my teeth and then hide my teeth when my mother asked if I’d brushed them. More recently certain brands of American toothpaste have put out vanilla and orange flavors, which I have tried and also hated.
Last night, I thought, what did they do before toothpaste was invented? (Other than have wooden teeth or just no teeth). I remembered something from a history book informing me pioneers on wagon trains cleansed their teeth with baking powder. In the spirit of research and education I Googled “homemade toothpaste recipes” and found a seemingly delightful concoction of baking powder, salt, lemon peel and strawberries. Having all the necessary ingredients (except lemon peel), I brewed my own toothpaste
After much mashing and stirring and wondering if my toothbrush would make it through the ordeal alive, I smudged the toothpaste onto my teeth. And now I’ll mimic Aesop (who didn’t have Colgate, Crest, Arm-and-Hammer, Listerine or any other whitening, brightening and gum-disease-known-as-gingivitis reducing paste) and give the moral of the story:
Dentist-approved toothpaste or wooden teeth are better than anything that mixes salt and strawberries. On the bright side, my teeth were very white, my toothbrush only has one glob of strawberry pulp still stuck to it, and I may now inform you of the infinite knowledge of Google on the subject of all things toothpaste.
Come to think of it, maybe the lemon peel would have made all the difference.
